“Do you know what I want? Exercise news “: Irina Slavina’s memory

Today in Nizhny Novgorod they say goodbye to the journalist, editor -in -chief of Kozapress Irina Slavina. She committed suicide on October 2 at the age of 47. Irina's colleague shares his memories of her.

As a psychologist, I come across suicide topics. I work with loved ones those who made such attempts or were able to complete them. I communicate with suicids - those who survived after an attempt. Therefore, I know a little more than if I just worked as a journalist.

In recent days they asked me: “And you knew Irina Slavina?»I began to remember when exactly we met. The whole messenger spilled before the start of our chat. And found.

We were playing capaciously before, went to different press conferences, collided during my short work in the press service of the governor. But they really began to communicate later when I had already left for Moscow.

It was May 13, 2015. On that day, I seemed to comment on her post on the decision to create a “goat”. And we went in a personal, where Irina asked me to share the experience of creating sites, the features of presenting materials on the Internet. We started to “you”, and then switched to “you” when I “developed a solitaire” that Irina Murataeva, which I knew from publications in “Nizhny Novgorod Pravda”, is the same Irina Slavina.

I sent her materials on Internet journalism, technical recommendations, and she-questions about the "goat", then asked to see the layout and make comments and tips. By that time, I had already visited the chief editor of the Moscow Komsomolets website and several sites-satellites. And since 2014 she worked as a chief editor of regional projects MK.

I even then understood that I was joining something completely unique in Russian journalism. And now I am proud that my experience helped Ira five years ago.

"Do you know what I want? Extranster news. I want Koza to become a platform for regional journalists who do not want to put up with the situation ". Throughout all these years, we exchanged information, contacts of the right speakers and experts, and heroes of publications. I threw her topics that other Nizhny Novgorod media refused (for reasons that I understand - I have no complaints about them, I myself was in the skin of the regional editorial.

She gave me topics that could be pulled out to the federal level. In the fall of 2019, Irina took up the story of bringing a 15-year-old son of my good friend in Nizhny Novgorod to suicide, the teacher publicly humiliated him, whose husband holds a high post in the system of the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Two editions of Nizhny refused me: “Ol, you yourself understand, we will not be able to publish it. Turn to Slavina. Only she can ".

On July 12, we wrote off to connect Ira and one of the leaders of the Media Media at the Union of Journalists. “The court will be July 30, Ol,” she said. Then I somehow missed her from sight: I knew that colleagues from the Union of Journalists are aware of the situation and helping what they could.

Unknown, "truth -bearing", outside the system. This requires a certain character warehouse and personality characteristics. But not crazy

And this Friday at the editors of Psychologies I was asked if I knew Irina Murataeva. I did not watch the news and video at once, but took advantage of the proven technique of Scarlett O'Hara: "I'll think about it tomorrow". Submission of material to the site, meeting on Friday evening. I needed to stay in shape. I postponed the terrible for later.

And for two days I, without stopping, roar. I read different comments: "I had the right, I did not have". "I had to fight".

Suicids who shared their stories with me said that at that moment no arguments from the series “Think about loved ones. " does not work.

“I always thought about anyone, but not about myself. Inside there was a void that sucked me. I have not seen any way out except. The pain was unbearable, and it could be removed only in one way. This was the first time I finally thought about myself and that I was unbearable ". These are the words of one of them.

But what another said: “This is the only thing that at that moment is subject to me and controlled. In all other respects I am powerless. This was really scary. But continue to endure what I endured, there was no strength. And the fear of continuing to live and experience terrible pain was stronger than the fear of dying. ".

They all did not see another option. Even if someone advises something, it doesn't help. “Fight!" This does not work! There is no strength to fight. Not anymore. All rational arguments - by. Because they feel what they feel, and it is unbearable for them. And they will do everything so that they are not stopped. Therefore, none of the loved ones not notice anything - "behaved as usual".

Then relatives begin to execute themselves that it was necessary to be more careful. "Could" recognize the desire of the son, husband, daughter to leave. No, they couldn't! Even listening and recalling the words of those who tried to account for life, I cannot imagine what was supposed to happen in those few hours after the search when Ira made such a decision. I do not believe that she was bearing the plan in advance. This is nothing more than a coincidence.

All these are only versions and hypotheses that are very far from the truth. Now they will try to make her crazy posthumously. A more sane person than Ira is hard to imagine. Unknown, "truth -bearing", outside the system. This requires a certain character warehouse and personality characteristics. But not crazy.

Once again I remind and ask: refrain from assessments, depreciation of the act and Irina's accusations. What happened in her soul, we will never recognize. I am scared to imagine what it

could be if she made just such a painful choice. But this is her choice, she had the right to him. But I do not accept it, do not share, but I respect. This is her body, her life. But it is very bitter that she did not see another way out if he was.